5_MedranoN

**22930 Golden Springs Dr, Diamond Bar, CA 91765**
 * Sycamore Canyon Park Beautification Council**

Dear Ms. Kim
A Sunday at the park- hot dos, hamburgers, cold drinks, good music, and new friends. You can be a part of it all !

Please join the fun on Sunday, November 28, 2010 for the annual Sycamore Canyon Clean- Up. If you provide the muscle power, the Sycamore Canyon Park Beautification Council will provide the trash bags and gloves, the food and the music.

As a member of the community, you are probably aware of how fast trash can accumulate on the park over the course of a year. Cigarette butts, empty soda bottle, That;s not what a neighborhood park should look like. Last year industrious volunteers collected over 150 bags of trash.

To help sustain all the hardworking volunteers, hot dogs, and cold drinks will be served after the clean up. Music will be provided by a popular local band. In addition a t-shirt will be given as an appreciation of the hard work.

Please call me at (951)100-2345 to sing up as a volunteer. It will be fun

Sincerely Noemi


 * 1) 24 Unfortunately, I was not persuaded by this letter. I feel like the opening needed to be a little more interesting and catching. Since it is something that would benefit our communties you should of given a bigger picture and description of how the community looks without the cleaning and how it could look like after the clean up. Your readers need to see that they benefit in some way so that they can be motivated to help.


 * 1) 18. I was not persuaded. One reason why i was not persuaded is the writer did not let me know what was in it for me. She could of done a better job at making it seem like it could be fun. I feel like the letter was very bland when it could of been up more up beat. I felt as though this was a more informative letter rather then a persuasive one.


 * 1) 29 Sorry, I was not persuaded by your letter, mainly because I feel as if you should have included more information or attention grabbing words. There are some grammatical errors you could improve on and also formatting your letter more constructively. You can also improve your letter to be more persuasive if you include more of the benefits to helping out and the downside of of the park's current status. I did however like your first sentence in the introduction where you included a tag line to catch the reader's interest.