5_SernaR

Dear Melanie Mullanaux,

Over the past two years our store has made a great transformation in becoming environmentally friendly. However you cannot help but wonder if our efforts are truly enough, or why stop why stop now and not accomplish more. Two years ago such great emphasis was placed on improving our store and bettering our efforts in helping the environment, and yet it appears that the passion and strive for accomplishment slowly began to dim. While we have managed to take great steps in improvement, there is still much more efforts that could be made.

In just two years we have managed to install a great motion sensor lighting system in the stockroom that conserves energy in areas which are in less frequent use. Not only does the lighting system help us conserve our energy, the development and superior implementation of our new recycle program has resulted in success in our environmentally friendly work environment. These efforts have shown great success, but what else could be done? I have asked myself this same question and taken note of three major areas in need for renovation and change. 1. Light Controls in the back 2. Computers remaining on 3. Eco-friendly bags One area in particular that troubles me is the lighting of the sales floor and fitting rooms. When we need to stay extra time and the timed lighting goes off, we are able to turn them back. What I have noticed is that everyone is in such a rush to go home that no one makes it imperative to shut the lighting off, and while we are at home the store is left with lighting put to waste. Also in the mist of the rush to leave I have also taken note that no one places any importance on making sure that the re-ticketing and manager computers are shut off, often left on for countless days. When we received new shopping carts for the store, new shopping bags were made available to customers. These bags became a favorite among our shoppers, why not take this great idea and further it by allowing for eco-friendly canvas totes available for purchase. Not only would we be saving our environment from the damages of plastic, but also make a profit out of it as well. .

While we have gone great lengths in transforming the store to a better environmentally friendly store, why let that mission we set for improvement of our store two years fade away. Putting in a little more effort and highlighting the benefits on not only our store but the environment will allow us to see the full potential that we can easily accomplish.

Best regards,

Rebecca Serna

Feedback: I like the direction you are going with this persuasive letter. Overall, it is very well written however there are some typical grammar errors that once fixed will really help the flow of the piece. You have a relatively strong intro and when coupled with an even stronger conclusion the persuasive letter will be much more effective. #23

This letter could be made shorter and to the point. The use of bullet points could be taken further to shorten this letter and make it flow better. There is also a good amount of grammatical errors. #15


 * 1) 19 - This was a well written letter. It was written indirectly, and it sounded very professional. I liked how you used bullet points to make main points stand out. i was really confused on the actual action that is supposed to take place. Make sure it is clear to the reader can tell what kind of action you are asking them to do. Otherwise it was well written.