5_UribeK

Columbia Memorial Space Center 12000 Columbia Way Downey, CA, 90670

Dear Christie Pearce, Did you know that we could be making over double our profits for one day’s work through one simple change? By offering birthday packages we would be able to both increase the number of visitors in the center as well as give our space center positive publicity. Being a part time employee for the Columbia Memorial Space Center, and a volunteer event coordinator for the Youth Leadership Committee in Santa Fe Springs I have seen the productivity of offering such a package. Considering that our center is aimed toward children, birthday parties would attract our target demographic. There is also the positive argument that parents want to expand the minds and dreams of their children and our center is perfect because we are both fun and educational. Birthday parties draw in larger crowds and expose the children to our toys and other merchandise in our gift shop. Lastly, offering birthday packages would expand our center and achieve our mission of educating children about the crew Columbia and Space. Let’s put our best foot forward and give the public all the beneficial packages that they desire. Sincerely Krystal Uribe

Edited by 006952374 It sounds like a good peruasive letter. It is a little unclear but it sounds like you are writing this letter to your boss. Your letter has a positive message with an understanding point of view. I like how your letter catches the readers attention by doubling profits. Every business should always be looking for new innovative ideas to better the company as a whole. I also enjoy reading your closing statement by persuading the reader by helping assess the situation as a team effort.


 * 1) 25 I was persuaded by this letter, she did a good job in explaining how beneficial it would be to the company not just profit wise but in the mission of the company. The area which could use a little improvement I felt was the introduction could have been a little more clear, and the statistics I felt could have been organized a little better, but other than that all other elements of persuasion are present.

Revieved by #27 I feel like this letter was very persuasive. It embodies all the elements that a good persuasive request should have which is a good opening that caught my attention, a body that appealed to my emotions with the indirect benefits the birthday package would have, and a closing that motivates action. The only problem is that some of the facts and direct and indirect from the opening should be moved to the body.