5_ParkS

November 14, 2010

From: Samuel Park, Sam’s Computer Services

To: Our valued customers

How long has it been since you have used our computer performance upgrade service? Are your computers running noticeably slower than before? Your computers need to be maintained periodically to be running at its optimum condition and if it has been too long since last time you have done that such as our computer maintenance service then there’s a very good chance that your computer is not running at its full potential, thus negatively impacting your productivity and efficiency of work.

Let us help you and improve your productivity. Our computer maintenance specialists will examine your current status of your system and will make any recommendations for improving your computers. For limited time only and for only our valued customers, we’re having a special promotion so call us now!

Cordially,

Samuel Park

-- #20

I have to admit that I was not persuade at all by this letter. The letter sounded more informative, I feel like the company is trying to sell me a service. I think that instead of asking me about my computer status, it should have given me reasons on why to use Sam's Computer Service, in other words the benefits I would received. The one's mention on the letter are not that convincing.

1. You presented your title so you gave yourself credit in the field.

2. Great job asking questions as a way of keeping the reader interested.

3. How much does it cost? Special promotion? Is it free of charge?

4. You should go into detail of what exactly the service is. How do you upgrade the computer?

5. Go more into detail of how this is really beneficial. You gave one reason which is very impactful but there should be more. The persuasive essay is supposed to be longer than a typical email.

6. "Call us now!" What's your phone number?

Corrected by: 21