5_AvendanoJ

Sugar Rush Café 3900 Valley Blvd Walnut, CA 91789

November 14, 2010

Dear Mr. Roberts,

My name is Joshua Avendaño and I am the fundraising chair of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity at Cal Poly Pomona. I wanted to inform you that we are planning our annual Chili Bowl event. The success of this event is credited to our sponsors, who lend their names and financial support. The money we raise each year goes to Children’s Miracle Network, and this year we hope to raise over $1,000.

As a sponsor, your organization will benefit from exposure through our promotional efforts on the Cal Poly Campus. With a donation to our organization, you will be able to enjoy great exposure to all Cal Poly students.

We have three levels of sponsorship packages, which are explained in full detail on the enclosed commitment form. You can select the level that that best meets your needs, and feel confident that your sponsorship will be used to help Sigma Alpha Epsilon fund our annual Chili Bowl event.

We are counting on your support, and will be happy to answer any questions you may have. Please return the commitment form in the enclosed envelope. Thank you in advance for your willingness to support the efforts of Sigma Alpha Epsilon and help make this year’s Chili Bowl the best it can be.

Sincerely,

Joshua Avendaño

Review 1 by 004770636 I really like how you started your body off by letting Suger Cafe know the exact benefits that directly relate to their company by marketing promotions, that could eventually boost their sales. One thing that I noticed that could've been a little more concise would be the conclusion; by asking for action, you should not explain that you are counting on their support, rather you should persuade them by the use of fear, emotional, or rational appeals. If I were to recieve this letter I would most likely be a little hesitant to contribute, since it seems like you were asking for the full amount rather than anything that could possibly help.

Review 2 by #29 I like how you set a goal to attract the audience's attention. Something to improve on would be your introduction and body formatting, in which you can try introducing what you will talk about in the letter and also to save information and benefits as part of your body. I agree with Review 1, in which case using words to persuade your audience and also by providing further information for the viewer. By constructing your letter to be of more persuasive format, I would be persuaded.