5_TomS

Dear newly liscened real estate agent,

Are you just starting out in the real estate industry and want to make a comfortable living? Are you ready to take on the challenges that this market is faced with? If so, then come and join our team at Century 21 Realtors located in Pomona, California!

Our team finds ourselves as not only associates, but as family. We understand the importance of maintaining relationships with clients, communicating more effectively, time management efficiency, and many more significant characteristics. All of these attributes will lead to the increase in sales and a very pleased life-style for yourself. Here at Century 21 Realtors, we take our career workshops very seriously with our #1 ranking in home sales of all Southern California offices. The key to success starts with good writing skills and listening to our clients. We offer commission splits to 50%-60% going up to 95%, private offices, over $100,000 on advertisement a month, and many more that other offices would not dare to provide!

It is time to finally become your own boss. Your entrepreneural mindset is ready to flourish. Come join our family at Century 21 Realtors and gain success for yourself and others. Have a great holidays and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Spencer Tom Director of Career Development

Century 21 Realtors 1234 Money Dr. Pomona, Ca (909)900-8000

Feedback:15 The energy in this letter is great and matches what you are trying to achieve, that is getting people excited about joining your team. There are very good word choices like flourish and family. There are a few grammatical errors and maybe an overuse of the exclamation point. Overall I am convinced. Where do I sign?

Feedback
 * 1) 19- This letter was not written indirectly because the request for action is in the introduction and in the conclusion when it should only be only in the conclusion. This letter did persuade me with the helpful statistics given about the company. There are only some small spelling mistakes but overall it was a well written letter.

Feedback This letter was written well and had me persuaded. The introduction definatley grabbed my attention and was written clear. What I would suggest to improve this letter is revisions in typos, and sentence structure in the body paragraph. Other than that the letter was definately persuasive and easy to understand.
 * 25: